The Ighalos and the Olawales are neighbours, and have also been good family friends for the better part of the last five years. But interestingly, their first meeting didn’t go as well as their current relationship suggests.When the Ighalos newly relocated to their Surulere residence from Ikeja, both in Lagos in 2009, the Olawales were the first family to welcome them to the neighbourhood. The age difference between Niyi Olawale and his wife, Olanike, is wide apart and so, they were offended by the new neighbours’ remarks on hearing that they were not father and daughter. Olawale was 60 while Olanike was 33.
“It was a first for us to see a couple with so much age difference. Although we didn’t know their ages as of the time, it was glaring that the man was much older than the woman. It was later after we had become friends that they told us how they felt insulted by the way we reacted to the information.
“Honestly, my husband and I thought the man was the woman’s father and that they were teasing us, so we freely joked about it. I think they got annoyed because as they tried to explain to us that they were a couple, we kept insisting that it couldn’t be. We were like ‘how could he (Mr. Olawale) be married to a woman that young?’
“I think my husband also joked about being the first person who would volunteer to call the police if he knew that Mr. Olawale was having sexual relations with his daughter,” said Victoria Ighalo, who is three years younger than her husband.
Love is in the heart, they say, and if it’s true that it is also blind, then looks, educational qualifications, fat bank accounts and certainly age should not matter. Such idioms are quite popular but the society is still amused by relationships and unions such as that of the Olawales.
Some people still believe that such relationships exist only because of their financial rewards and so are hardly willing to accept claims by such couples of being hit in the heart by the cupid’s arrow. The young partners in such marriages are usually branded gold diggers and the fact that the older partners are usually very rich does help arguments that such unions have anything to do with love.
In spite of this general perception, many of such couples don’t care if people snigger at their backs. To them, they are in love, married and ready to live their lives together, even with the chances that the old man or woman, depending on the situation, could die soon. One of such persons is Olanike.
After being introduced to our correspondent by the Ighalos, Olanike agreed to share her experience withSaturday PUNCH, but with her husband’s permission. Olawale, though, declined to offer any comments.
Women married to much older men
The Olawales have been married for about eight years. Olawale was a rich widower when he met Olanike, but she insists that her attraction was based on pure unadulterated love for him.
“He had lost his wife when we met but I didn’t marry him for money; people can say whatever they like. It is not everyone who marries old men that do it for the money, sometimes, it is because they have genuine love for each other,” Olanike said with a measure of conviction.
“I love my husband because he’s caring, mature and responsible. I like the way he pampers and gives me attention. People often think that marrying someone much older than you means there will be no sex, but that is a lie.”
The secret
Olanike attributed the secret behind the success of her marriage to a much older Olawale to moderation.
“We have sex but the secret is not to overdo it,” she said with a coy smile. “My husband is not into frequent sex which is okay by me because I don’t want someone who will want to have sex everyday, in the first instance. If it will happen once in a week or two weeks, he makes it count.”
Asked if she’s not bothered by her husband’s wrinkly skin, Olanike asked “what wrinkly skin? I don’t see all that because I love him.”
As Olanike shared her story on the balcony of their posh duplex, her two children who she had with Olawale, played a chasing game, screaming, shouting and catching their mother’s occasional watchful glances.
The children’s joyfulness intermittently brought smiles to Olanike’s face, but a question asked by our correspondent seemed to briefly change that mood, wiping the smile off her pretty face.
Our correspondent asked if it had occurred to her that she and her children could lose Olawale someday, sooner than they expected.
With a solemn look suggesting understanding and contemplation, Olanike admitted that such thoughts had crossed her mind but that she tried not to dwell on them.
“I try not to think about it but it’s inevitable for all of us someday. That was the major reason why my mother was against my marriage initially, but after she realised that my mind was made up and that I was happy with him, she let go,” she explained.
But it is not in all cases that you find the man being the old one taking a beautiful and youthful woman as partner, there are instances where women are much older than their spouses, although rarely found in Nigeria.
But in all, there seems to be diverse reasons for age-gap relationships and marriages. Findings show that the older party is usually attracted by the youthfulness and vigour of his or her younger partner. But findings also show that the attractions some youths have for much older persons range from financial stability, years of established careers, power and fame, to claims of genuine love and that old partners are more caring, mature, disciplined, knowledgeable, experienced, sexually skilled and indulgent.
For example, a young unmarried woman, Stephanie, dating a 55-year-old man told our correspondent that she would consider marrying him if he proposed to her.
Stephanie, 21, said she is attracted to her man friend’s intelligence and wealth.
“Olorunsogo ni mo wa, mi o si ni surulere (I don’t have time for patience; I prefer to go for what is already on ground). He takes care of my needs, what more can a woman ask for?” she asked our correspondent, feigning seriousness.
“In turn, I keep him happy in bed and he has no reason to complain because I give him what no one else gives him. I tend to his needs in bed and treat him like a king.”
The beauty and the rich
There have been a few high profile marriages between beautiful young women and rich and powerful old men.
One of the most prominent of such marriages is that of billionaire businessman, Chief Rasaq Okoya, 74, and Shade, 36. In 2002 when the couple got married, Okoya was 62 years old while Shade was just 24.
Early this year, the couple renewed their wedding vows at their grand residence in Lagos.
“He is a loving man, he’s a very generous person, he’s loyal, he’s polite, he’s a very disciplined man, he is a nice person, very humble and loving husband. He is different from what he is known to be, everybody knows him to be a business man, an entrepreneur, but in the house he’s a very loving person. I have learnt his generosity and hard work,” she said while extolling her husband’s virtues.
Also in a recent interview, Shade said she doesn’t keep artificial fingernails because Okoya likes his food in varieties.
“I must enter the kitchen everyday. I make sure he is well taken care of. My husband likes varieties so I don’t just cook one food. He takes them in bits. This is one of the reasons you will never see me with artificial nails,” she said. Shade is the Managing Director of Eleganza Fashion Products Limited.
Last year, 72-year-old Nigerian businessman, Chief Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, married 26-year-old Frances Enwerem after losing his wife of 40 years, Eudora, to cancer.
Iwuanyanwu is 46 years older than his wife, but the age difference notwithstanding, the couple had a lavish wedding and both have been living happily after, (at least so it seems).
An ex-beauty queen, Susan Hart, who is wedded to a renowned medical director who co-owns the popular Eko Hospital, Olorogun Sunny Kuku, in spite of a huge age gap, recently gave an insight into what some young women like herself like to see in old men.
To her, the age difference is not an issue in her marriage. “We are best of friends. My husband’s humility and humbleness also makes us best friends,” she further explained, describing the age gap as “nothing.”
“Where I come from in Port-Harcourt (Rivers State), husbands are treated as kings. It’s the woman that makes it work and this is why it’s so hard for people to know how long we have been married.
“I accord him a lot of respect so he won’t see himself missing anything when he gets outside. It’s the woman who makes the marriage work. We have been married for a couple of years now and I am still enjoying it like yesterday and he makes me really happy. I have a son for him who is over 10 years old.”
Olorogun Kuku, who is an Ijebu chief, also shared his side of the story, also describing his wife as his friend.
“I don’t want to tell you how I met my beautiful wife but I can tell you that she is my friend. She is the best thing to have happened to me. As far as I am concerned, our meeting is divine. I don’t have to think about what to wear again. She does all the designs which come out nice just the way I want them.”
Just recently, a former Miss Nigeria UK, Dabota Lawson, 26, confirmed her engagement to billionaire businessman, Sunny Aku, who is in his fifties.
Reports have it that Aku has been spoiling Lawson with expensive gifts and that their affection for each other has continued to blossom.
Just recently, Dabota tweeted a picture of a report on Aku in a national daily and its link, adding “At work and just saw this. So proud of my hubby… .”
After some public bashing, ex-Miss Osun State, Banke Oyelami, 24, came out to defend her marriage to 48-year-old Hon. Rotimi Makinde, last year.
“It’s not about what he can give me, though meeting him has changed my life,” she admitted.
“He’s very intelligent, creative and hardworking. And he’s a good person, to me, his children and everybody around him. He wants the best for me. When he proposed to me, I told him I was still in the university and he agreed to wait for me to finish and he has been very patient and supportive of my education.
“People have been saying all sorts since we announced our engagement but I am not bothered by the talk. I met a good man who loves me and it feels good because I have everything in him, a father, brother and friend. I feel secured because he’s very mature and caring and I am looking forward to our life together.”
Another ex-beauty queen, Ene Lawani, who was in a relationship with a much older John Obayuwana for seven years before they broke up, told journalists that she had a thing for dating old men.
Asked why she preferred old men, she said, “let’s just say that I understand the older ones better and they understand me better than the younger ones.
“No, I can make my money myself. It has nothing to do with their money. I learn a whole lot from them; I like to hang out with people I benefit from intellectually. Most importantly, I learn a lot from their experiences.”
Recently, the Alaafin of Oyo, Oba Lamidi Adeyemi, who is over 70 years old, caused a media buzz when pictures of him and his four young wives trended on the social media. Adeyemi and his young wives were on vacation in London, UK.
In an interview with Saturday PUNCH earlier this year, 78-year-old Kessington Adebutu, spoke about his love for women. Incidentally, Adebutu’s youngest wife, Kofo, had given birth to a set of twins some months earlier after eight of marriage to the wealthy philanthropist.
However, Adebutu, who said he had no regrets being a polygamist, did not rule out marrying another wife. He said he enjoyed the company of women.
“Do you really believe she is the last wife? Anyway, she is the last wife for now. Nobody knows what will happen. My father had his last wife when he was 80. She is my last wife at the moment,” Adebutu said, while speaking about his youngest wife.
“I am very weak when it comes to women. If I see a woman I like, I make sure I take her as a wife. I don’t waste time at all. I don’t like to play games. If I like a woman, I talk to her and eventually, I take her as my wife. That is why I have so many wives.”
Bitter experience
All the men and women so far mentioned seem to have had it good with their relationships, but findings bySaturday PUNCH show that some age-gap couples have had sad tales to tell.
For instance, in 2012, Eucharia Azunobi, 38, got married to Maswell Adindu, 77, who was based in Oxford, England. Adindu’s 20-year-old marriage to Tracy, a Briton, had ended two years before and his kinsmen were worried because Tracy did not bear him a son.
The divorce had set Adindu back financially as his property were split in halves, with Tracy taking a share. So enter Azunobi, who was introduced to Adindu by his concerned brothers during a visit to Nigeria.
After a quiet wedding ceremony, Adindu arranged for Azunobi to join him in the UK. Adindu’s niece, Ngozi, toldSaturday PUNCH that the marriage ruined her uncle.
“We later knew that she readily agreed to marry my uncle because she was pregnant at the time and the man responsible for the pregnancy was not willing to accept it. After the woman moved to the UK, it was war,” she told our correspondent.
“She had many boyfriends. She would hit herself, give herself bruises and then call the cops, claiming that my uncle was responsible. Meanwhile, the man’s health was failing. Years later, they got a divorce and his property was shared again between them. His house in Oxford was sold and half of the proceeds went to the woman.”
But that’s not all. Adindu remarried. This time, to another much younger woman.
“The woman had a child for him too. She got pregnant while they were married but the story was similar to his experience with Azunobi. I think the reason she got married to him was because she felt she wasn’t getting younger and young suitors were not forthcoming. She already had a child for another man and the stigma was hanging over her head,” she said.
According to Ngozi, it’s common in some parts of Imo State, where she comes from, for young girls with unwanted pregnancies to marry old men.
“Apart from that, it is also believed by some people that old men show more care and would be a father figure to them,” she added.
More lies, less love
A marriage counsellor, Funmi Akingbade, said unions between partners with huge age difference are usually strained and often made up of “70 per cent lies and 30 per cent love.” She attributed one of the reasons why youths go into such relationships to value degradation.
“The union will experience strain if the older one falls ill or dies, or it could be due to betrayal. It could also have sexual challenges because of the age difference. There could be problems of infidelity and lack of trust,” she said.
“People have different and weird reasons for being attracted to old persons, either man or woman. It could be because of money, greed and loss of fundamental human and societal values. But sometimes, the old partners are actually good in bed. So they can make it work if they are truly in love.”
A sociologist, Michael Asibogwu, attributed part of the reasons for age-gap marriages to greed. He, however, added that such unions do not necessarily have negative impacts on the society.
He said, “It’s about their lifestyles and happiness, although, the society views the young partners in such marriages as gold diggers. For instance, a 20-year-old man marrying a woman above 50 years will raise eyebrows. So it could be because of greed.
“But again, the issue deals with emotions and people will not really know what such people see in each other. The young women tend to take care of their old partners in their old age, for instance, but it’s a personal issue.”
But in the view of a medical doctor with the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, Ikeja, Dr. Gbenga Durojaiye, such unions come with a few risks, medically.
He said that an old man marrying a much younger woman stands a risk of having heart attack if he’s diabetic while on the other hand, children born to old women stand the risk of having chromosomal problems.
“Old men in such relationships stand the risk of having heart attack, especially if they are diabetic or on anti-hypertensive medication. If the man is diabetic, the young wife may not be satisfied during sex and it may lead to strains in the marriage. The union may suffer and it may cause depression for the man. There may also be problems with fertility,” he said.
“For the woman,” he continued, “The best reproductive age is between 18 and 25 years, so the children stand a risk of having chromosomal problems such as Down’s syndrome when they are being given birth to at age 40 and above.
“A woman getting pregnant for the first time at age 35 and above could have obstetrics problems or complications, which could lead to still birth.”
No comments :
Post a Comment